Tonight I had the urge to write again...sometimes I get the urge to write like devotions or something...but here are my thoughts. Let me know what you think.
In your life have you ever been where you can't see God and you would like to know what He is up to? You have been praying, praying, praying, and you can't see what He is doing. You feel as if he is doing nothing and/or not hearing you. You are tired everything around you seeming to cave in and you feel as if you can't take it anymore? This list here could go on and on...
That is exactly where I am today. This past semester of school I have been praying for so many different situations...healing, illnesses, family, friends, relationships, jobs, coworkers, students around me and I feel/felt as if nothing is happening. I feel as if there are no miracles being done, no prayers being answered, no step in a new direction, no guidance...almost as if there is no higher power.
Then 2 nights ago I had the urge to read back in my journal just to see what life was like a year ago, 6 mths ago, 1 month ago, 1 week ago, etc...and I was able to see God's faithfulness and His miracles all around. Lately I have had some very eager prayers on my heart for healing for those around me and extra strength in me...but I was reminded these are being answered. These people I am praying for...myself included...had another day to live, another day to grow, another day period. These people I am praying for stepped ahead in life...are fighting the good fight. These people I am praying for...God is touching their lives...even if it isn't visible to the naked eye. You know how I know this...because they are not the same person and I am not the same person I was a year ago. We are not the same as we were 6 months ago. We are not the same we were 1 month ago. I was able to see God's faithfulness in carrying me through life's trials. I was able to see God giving me strength to fight when I didn't want to fight any longer.
I was also reminded yesterday of this verse that I have read and quoted so many times "Jesus said, 'What is impossible with men is POSSIBLE with GOD.'" Luke 18:27
So my question I ask you...What area of your life are you lacking believing in because you aren't seeing the visible miracle or the BIG miracle? What can you give to God so you can have peace again? What can you do today to look back in a month and say that changed my life?
My answer: I am not going to quit praying. I am not going to quit surrendering. I am not going to quit trusting. I am not going to quit living. I am not going to quit believing...because with MY GOD all THINGS are possible!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
My heavy heart today...
With a very heavy heart I send this email because my boy is hurting so bad. Granny is suffering too and I just feel as if I have dropped the ball somehow. If I wasn't in this wedding this weekend I would just stay here but I can't help God's timing. I know I have not updated you all like I should and I haven't made the caringbridge site either. God really knocked me down when I told a little boy in an electric wheelchair to give me a ride because I didn't feel good. He is like well I don't either my sinuses are messed up. It was like God hit me with two ton brick...Amy...you can walk, you are healthy, you are alive...Why are you complaining! Then seeing My Ira talking to Granny...i just break because I have no reason to complain.
I really have no update. The doctors do not much at all with the tests that they have been doing. We know that Ira will probably have to be in the hospital again to run more tests. The kidney doctor realized his left kidney is almost double the size of his right. His asthma is totally flaring right now to which we thought that is why his chest his hurting (more on that in a minute) and his blood pressure is not steady by any means. He has been complaining all week of his chest hurting and today when I saw him he actually looked good but then not an hour later Granny calls me to tell me his heart is racing and she has called the heart doctor to which he said bring him in immediately. Well she called back an hour later and they were in admissions at a local hospital. :/
I will be goign after school tonight to see him/Granny. Ira was to be baptized this Sunday and he is SO EXCITED!!!! I don't know anymore than this. I have a VERY heavy heart with this...but you know God has healed too many people and proven Himself faithful in too many circumstances. Granny and I talked this morning about God's timing and how it is always right on time
(Ira was my student last year that I just fell in love with. Granny is his grandmother that takes care of him. I am just apart of the family so it is just great and funny to all around us. Ira doesn't listen to many people but will to me. I just took him under my wing last year to which in return Granny adopted me too. ;)
I really have no update. The doctors do not much at all with the tests that they have been doing. We know that Ira will probably have to be in the hospital again to run more tests. The kidney doctor realized his left kidney is almost double the size of his right. His asthma is totally flaring right now to which we thought that is why his chest his hurting (more on that in a minute) and his blood pressure is not steady by any means. He has been complaining all week of his chest hurting and today when I saw him he actually looked good but then not an hour later Granny calls me to tell me his heart is racing and she has called the heart doctor to which he said bring him in immediately. Well she called back an hour later and they were in admissions at a local hospital. :/
I will be goign after school tonight to see him/Granny. Ira was to be baptized this Sunday and he is SO EXCITED!!!! I don't know anymore than this. I have a VERY heavy heart with this...but you know God has healed too many people and proven Himself faithful in too many circumstances. Granny and I talked this morning about God's timing and how it is always right on time
(Ira was my student last year that I just fell in love with. Granny is his grandmother that takes care of him. I am just apart of the family so it is just great and funny to all around us. Ira doesn't listen to many people but will to me. I just took him under my wing last year to which in return Granny adopted me too. ;)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
You never know how much you have until It's gone.
Today/Tonight I have been doing so much analyzing it is crazy! I knew waking up today it was a different day as this day 8 years ago I almost lost one of the most important people to me, my grandmother. Mamaw passed out with a bleeding anourysm (sp?) on her brain. That night the doctors gave her a 50/50 chance to live. Mamaw doesn't remember much that night but she remembers me coming in the emergency room holding hands with her, Mom, and Papaw and me praying for her. FRom there they sent us to Memphis for Mamaw to have surgery on her brain. It was to be a coil surgery but when we got there we realized it would be straight up open brain surgery. Long story short...2 weeks to the day of us going to Memphis, Mamaw, Papaw and Mom drove home to Louisiana from Memphis. Mamaw is a walking/talking miracle today. If you were to see her today you would not know of her surgery. Mamaw...I love you. You are so special to me and I am so thankful God healed you on earth.
But also today one of my students from FCA interupted my classroom to let me know that another student's dad had passed away last night. This little girl is in 6th grade and she has two older brothers in high school then a 5 year old brother. I do not teach her but she believes alot in me as she came to me yesterday asking me to pray for her and her family. I had to look at her and say how God sometimes heals on earth and sometimes He heals by taking our loved one home. With tears in our eyes I had to enjoy my day yesterday knowing that a little girl was hurting so much and had to live her day yesterday. Today though life was completely different for her as someone she believed in so much...she has had to watch suffer and pass away.
So all day I have been thinking about how many in my life I take forgranted daily. My family live 4.5 hours away and they completely support me being in Dallas. I have lost many people in my life and they never knew how much they meant to me or how much I loved them. One thing I have realized lately that some people do not realize how much I care about them or how much I love them. I am making it my goal this year to show this more....if it is my family, my friends, my coworkers, my students, or a stranger. I don't know if mercy is that answer...but if you are reading this know that though I don't show it often or sometimes do not know how...You mean so much to me. I love you dearly and am thankful you are in my life. If God were to take you away tomorrow you will know how I feel. Consider yourself loved and hugged.
So I leave with my title...YOu never know how much you have until it's gone. I thought I was learning this that Saturday night of my senior year in 2001 but a little girl did have to learn this way too early last night.
But also today one of my students from FCA interupted my classroom to let me know that another student's dad had passed away last night. This little girl is in 6th grade and she has two older brothers in high school then a 5 year old brother. I do not teach her but she believes alot in me as she came to me yesterday asking me to pray for her and her family. I had to look at her and say how God sometimes heals on earth and sometimes He heals by taking our loved one home. With tears in our eyes I had to enjoy my day yesterday knowing that a little girl was hurting so much and had to live her day yesterday. Today though life was completely different for her as someone she believed in so much...she has had to watch suffer and pass away.
So all day I have been thinking about how many in my life I take forgranted daily. My family live 4.5 hours away and they completely support me being in Dallas. I have lost many people in my life and they never knew how much they meant to me or how much I loved them. One thing I have realized lately that some people do not realize how much I care about them or how much I love them. I am making it my goal this year to show this more....if it is my family, my friends, my coworkers, my students, or a stranger. I don't know if mercy is that answer...but if you are reading this know that though I don't show it often or sometimes do not know how...You mean so much to me. I love you dearly and am thankful you are in my life. If God were to take you away tomorrow you will know how I feel. Consider yourself loved and hugged.
So I leave with my title...YOu never know how much you have until it's gone. I thought I was learning this that Saturday night of my senior year in 2001 but a little girl did have to learn this way too early last night.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)