Wow...a long time with no post

I am not sure where to start tonight as my heart is real heavy.  So much is burdening me today/tonight but just as much as I cry out...I hear and feel Christ holding me.  It seems when I am overwhelmed someone is there to point me back to His Hand or I hear the gentle whisper, "Trust me, child!" or "I'm holding you."

I am a fix it person.  If something is broken I want it fixed...I want to get it fix.  So for my students to hurt and I can't do anything to "fix" them...when they tell me they can't call home because noone can come get them...HURTS me.  When someone in my family hurts...I want to fix it.  I want to take the pain away.  When I am overwhelmed or confused...I want to fix it.  I want answers then...I dont want to wait. 

I found myself in this state today while "shopping" at a local store....I was just browsing looking for nothing particular when I was venting to a friend about life and it was like God whispered..."Be still my child...I am holding you.  My timing is perfect.  When are you going to cry out to me?" so there in the store...I quit texting my friend...and I said JEsus, fix me...I am broken.  I need you.  to which you know...He did.  I had a peace over me and I could smile again.

Does this mean I am not hurting?  Does this mean I won't struggle?  Does this mean I can't vent to friends?  No...it means at that moment and more...I need to cry out to him...My hurts...HE FIXES.  My pain...HE HEALS.  My Jesus...HE LOVES.

On my heart...

This is a song that says it best.  Be encouraged as I was driving home and trying not to cry.  We received good news today but in our minds it wasn't GREAT news. What if we got there and ALL the cancer was gone...but it wasn't. We know that without God we have no clue where we would be....without our friends praying...we dont even want to imagine...so we do have another round of chemo for 6 weeks which breaks my heart as my sweet Mamaw told me this morning...she is just tired of this.  But you know...we keep praying.  we keep believing.  we keep hoping.  He is still with us. He is still healing.  He is NOT done with us yet.

BLESSINGS by Laura Story

We pray for blessings


We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise



We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise



When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home



Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

God is a God...

who always listens and is always there.  Thankful for this as so many around me are hurting or need healing.  One of those is my grandmother who needs healing in so many ways.  but I still believe in this God who we continue to praise.  I am thankful there is a God who listens to all of my cry outs, who cares for me and those around me.  I am thankful there is a higher power who can calm my crazy silly fears of storms passing over me.  I am thankful God understands my heart when I can't say anything else and always knows the whispers of the children who don't have a mom or dad at home at night.  I am thankful that God gave me another day to bless others, to share about him, and to hold strong to HIS promises! 

This is what he taught me the other night:  We cry out.  God listens.  We are lost for words.  God speaks.  We hurt.  God heals.  We just believe.  God answers.

Scripture always mean something different...

No matter how often I read certain scripture it means something each time.  Two verses that have stuck out to me vividly this weekend is Romans 8:28 and Philippians 4:6.

Romans shares that  "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose."  One of the most vivid times of my life I remember this scripture is when we were in the ER with Mamaw ten years ago and I prayed over this over her.  Yesterday I caught myself praying/singing this scripture and not letting it just be words...but my heart's cry

In Philippians we read  "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." This scripture became Mamaw's life verse ten years ago and if you talk to her she will share the peace she has again.

Please be encouraged with us as we walk thru this valley.  We are dancing in the river and know that we will come out stronger on the other side.  He didn't promise a life of easiness but a life we will never walk alone.

I believe...

times like these we ask "Why me, God?"  instead of "Why not me, God?"  I would be lying to tell you I have not asked the first...but at the same time...I am thankful God has chosen me for this journey.  These hard times ad to my story.  Is it a journey I would not have chosen to have one of the most precious people to me hurting.  But just as my grandmother states to me daily...she has a peace just as we all do.  I still believe God is good. He healed her 10 years ago when she was given a 50/50 chance to live thru the night and the doctor never believed then she would walk out of the hospital.  Today, we believe HE WILL HEAL her again...just in HIS timing.

Today...we are faced again with God showing off and that is my prayer.  I pray that my life could be real and at the same time show that CHRIST IN ME is real.  I do not like saying g'bye to my mom and grandparents as they travel for answers...but you know...I am not in charge of this journey.  God is still working dialy among all of us teaching each one of us of His faithfulness.  He is carrying all of us and has not left us. 

So if you are around me and I look out of it, I am having a moment so bare with me...but know in my heart...God is faithful.  The human part of me hurts and is crying...but I am resting and praying to a God who listens to all of my cries and hurts. 

So, yes,  "Why not me, God?"  I choose to believe though tonight is tough.  God is faithful.