You never know how much you have until It's gone.

Today/Tonight I have been doing so much analyzing it is crazy! I knew waking up today it was a different day as this day 8 years ago I almost lost one of the most important people to me, my grandmother. Mamaw passed out with a bleeding anourysm (sp?) on her brain. That night the doctors gave her a 50/50 chance to live. Mamaw doesn't remember much that night but she remembers me coming in the emergency room holding hands with her, Mom, and Papaw and me praying for her. FRom there they sent us to Memphis for Mamaw to have surgery on her brain. It was to be a coil surgery but when we got there we realized it would be straight up open brain surgery. Long story short...2 weeks to the day of us going to Memphis, Mamaw, Papaw and Mom drove home to Louisiana from Memphis. Mamaw is a walking/talking miracle today. If you were to see her today you would not know of her surgery. Mamaw...I love you. You are so special to me and I am so thankful God healed you on earth.

But also today one of my students from FCA interupted my classroom to let me know that another student's dad had passed away last night. This little girl is in 6th grade and she has two older brothers in high school then a 5 year old brother. I do not teach her but she believes alot in me as she came to me yesterday asking me to pray for her and her family. I had to look at her and say how God sometimes heals on earth and sometimes He heals by taking our loved one home. With tears in our eyes I had to enjoy my day yesterday knowing that a little girl was hurting so much and had to live her day yesterday. Today though life was completely different for her as someone she believed in so much...she has had to watch suffer and pass away.

So all day I have been thinking about how many in my life I take forgranted daily. My family live 4.5 hours away and they completely support me being in Dallas. I have lost many people in my life and they never knew how much they meant to me or how much I loved them. One thing I have realized lately that some people do not realize how much I care about them or how much I love them. I am making it my goal this year to show this more....if it is my family, my friends, my coworkers, my students, or a stranger. I don't know if mercy is that answer...but if you are reading this know that though I don't show it often or sometimes do not know how...You mean so much to me. I love you dearly and am thankful you are in my life. If God were to take you away tomorrow you will know how I feel. Consider yourself loved and hugged.

So I leave with my title...YOu never know how much you have until it's gone. I thought I was learning this that Saturday night of my senior year in 2001 but a little girl did have to learn this way too early last night.

Thoughts of the night...

Tonight my heart breaks for a little boy who needs physical healing so he doesn't hurt anymore. Tonight my heart breaks for a little girl who needs spiritual healing of the heart because she doesn't believe. Tonight my heart hurts for the neighbor who will spend Christmas without his family. Tonight my heart for my girls who just want to b loved. Tonight my heart sees the sacrificial giving of a friend and her family cuz they know others are suffering worse. Tonight my heart hurts for a man that loves Jesus and needs to find his peace. Tonight my heart hurts for a woman who is being hit at every angle and just needs to believe. Tonight my heart hurts for my students as I want them to know the true me and my truth. Tonight my heart hurts for my coworkers who need a touch. Tonight my heart hurts for my family because we miss each other so. Tonight my heart hurts for my friends as too many are hurting around me. Tonight my heart hurts...tonight my GOD heals!

Christmas survey

1. Wrapping Paper or gift bags: normally bags but I have wrapping paper this year
2. Real or Artificial Tree: artificial even though I like the smell of a real tree
3. When do you put up the trees? The week after Thanksgiving
4. When do you take the trees down? The day after Christmas or now when i get back to my apartment from home
5. Do you like Eggnog? Never tasted it.
6. Favorite Gift received as a child? My real life baby doll I got when I was young
7. Hardest person to buy for? HA! Everyone!
8. Easiest person to buy for: My parents
9. Do you have a nativity scene? yes it is the first thing I put out.
10. Mail or email Christmas Cards? mail
11. Worst Christmas gift? people who don't take time to get gifts that are for you...they just buy bulk...it upsets me
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Any Hallmark/Lifetime Christmas movies...
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Normally it is the day I get out of school for the holiday til christmas eve when the stores close! HA! Not this year! I am done!!!...started after Thanksgiving...
14. Have you ever re-gifted a present? YES
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Polish mistakes and Olive Cheese bread...
16. Lights on the tree? white
17. Favorite Christmas Song? I have Seen the Light, I'l l Be Home for Christmas
18. Travel at Christmas or Stay Home? Travel ever year...now. :)
19. Can name all of Santa's Reindeer? yes
20. Angel on the tree top or star? mom has an angel and I ahve a star
21. Open presents on Christmas Eve or Morning? Christmas Eve at Mom's and Christmas Day Night at Dad's
22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? that I actually dread part of the holiday.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? red and gold
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Spaghetti and Meat Balls
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? As great as Christmas as Thanksgiving was.